Saturday, November 21, 2015

"I came back from mostly dead for you" // a life update

So college and work has taken my life from me and are holding it for ransom. What their demands are I haven't figured out (or I would have paid it). They haven't said yet.

If you don't know the quote in the title, well. . . I will only suggest that you brush up on your Princess Bride. 

Last month I read the original Beauty and the Beast by Madame de Villeneuve. B&B is one of my favorite fairy tales and now I love it even more! There is so much back story on Beauty and even more on the Beast and how he became the Beast. You would have never guessed from all the retellings/remakes. None of the well-known versions uses the same backstory as the original. It makes you wonder about Disney sometimes. . . 

I love trees. I had to go out for a walk before cabin fever kicked in, so naturally I took photos of trees. I grew up climbing and playing in trees. And I kind of wonder if it's a bad thing that I think, when I leave one day, the trees are going to be the thing I miss the most. Even if I go some place where there are trees, they still won't be the same trees. They won't feel the same. They'll be strangers.

Where I live, it rains through the autumn and winter months. So the grass is mottled with crisp brown and spring green. I love it though. The gray days are perfect for huddling under a blanket with a good book. Also, I love the bleak beauty of our autumns and winters. Maybe that sounds like a paradox. Bleak beauty. But paradoxes do exist. 

I like paradoxes. And sad things, apparently. . .

See? Isn't there just something about an overcast sky? 

I wrote a poem once for a college project and then rewrote it so I could keep it. But then of course I lost it and just spent half an hour looking for it. *rolls eyes* 

It had something to do with how the sunlight is laughing and bright all the time, even when you're hurting. But the clouds show their empathy and cry with you. Or some kind of metaphoric ilk like that. I'll have to find it. 

The woods were calling to me. I wanted to go wander around the trees so badly. But I had to go to work, and if I walked any closer to the trees, I'd be there all day until the moon came out. So I had to decline and answer their call another day. 

"The woods are lovely, dark, and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep."

 -- Robert Frost

I can't remember what the title of that poem is. Robert Frost is the master of nature in poetry though. And that line is true for me. On so many levels. (Also, I apologize if I quoted it wrong; that was from memory. :P)

"The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still" Exodus 14:14 (NIV). 

I think this is something I need to learn. 

Being still is. . . I don't know. It sounds peaceful. And then I think about all the things I have to do. I guess it's about learning how to be a little more Mary and a little less Martha? Does that make sense? I mean, you need both. But they need to be balanced. 

It doesn't help that all the people in my life, even the well-meaning people, are putting more work on me in one way or other. I really just want to be rid of it. There is so much noise. So much distraction and static. Everyone wants one thing of me or another. They want me to be this for them or that for them. I just want to get away from them all. To be still. Where it is quiet. Away from their influence. So I can just listen to the one who matters, and be who He wants me to be. 

Honestly, I'm sick of everyone else.

Yes, I've been reading Phantom of the Opera. It's for a school project, but of course, I got a choice in the matter so. . . it's for fun too. And I am super excited about it. Between this and B&B, I'm thinking I should try more French literature. 

Well, I'm off now. It's almost 6a, and I still haven't, uh, what do they call it? Oh, yes. Sleep.

What has been going on in your world lately? Any writing? Any good books? Any gray skies? Any random paradoxes? Have you read Phantom of the Opera, or any other French lit?


  1. Oof NaNoWrimo has pretty much taken over my life. And I've been reading a lot of books, but they all weren't spectacular or memorable, hopefully I'll come across one soon. Surprisingly, there are no gray skies here, which is odd for November here. The skies are as blue as can be.


    1. Oh, yes. NaNo does tend to do that! I hope it is going well though! Because if the book is going well/ you really love it, then it's not much of a loss when writing takes over your life. ;)

      Ugh! I can't stand book slumps like that! I was in one of those recently, just float from book to book because nothing caught my fancy. Have you read the Ascendance Trilogy? Or, or this one is really good: Blood Red Road by Moira Young?

  2. Love the pictures, and I have to read that Beauty and the Beast story. I love sad things too, there is something absolutely stunning about a bleak winter landscape. Robert Frost poems are the best. I understand how you feel, people can be super demanding and expect so much. I hope you get some peace. I will be praying for you.

    1. Thank you!

      B&B is really cool. I think you'd like it.

      Thank you so much! I really do appreciate it. :)

  3. I haven't read any French literature!! And I'm terrible but I didn't really think about B&B being French. xD I mean, I knoooow it is kind of. THAT PROBABLY MAKES NO SENSE BUT IT DOES TO ME. XD I want to read it now because I'm uber curious about the backstory!! And I really want to read the original Hunchback of Nortre Dame because I want to write a retelling. :P
    I agree that cloudy days can totally be beautiful! :') AND MISSING TREES IS LEGIT. Me too. I remember my childhood trees with great fondness.

    1. Yeah, it's like you know it's French in the back of your mind, but you don't really think about it when you read it. The fact that it's French doesn't seem relevant to the actually story, so who thinks about that? (Before book blogging, I used to never know the authors of my favorite books. . .) It is awesome though! And short. You could probably read it in an hour. Oo, I want to read the Hunchback too!

      Childhood trees are always the best trees.


    But nice to hear from you mon pal!

    I love all your photos, esp the one of the gate (I Pinned it), and also the overcast sky. I -- as you know -- also feel the pull of the trees. (Hence, uh, my book. Who'd have guessed I have a small tree obsession?) I love that Frost quotation by the by. It's so gorgeous. (Though if you want masterful nature poetry, I'm reading Remains of Elmet by Ted Hughes at the moment. I've got this gorgeous big edition that was published in 1979 with these black and white photos of the Yorkshire moors and it is STUNNING. If you ever find that illustrated edition 900% get it. The poetry is amazing. And the pictures of trees ... !!!)

    November to December is that awful mad dash of time every year. I feel it too -- deadlines looming, stresses and pressures on every side. One verse I've been thinking about is "Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labour in vain"; there's no point trying with anything unless your doing God's will. And there's no point stressing! "Who by worrying can add a single hour to the span of his life?"

    So guess what, I'm in Oxford right now! I'm looking out my window at a stained glass window in a church spire, with a beautiful tree in front of it (my life always comes back to trees). I had two interviews today, I've got another tomorrow, and ... aahhh. Full post w pictures is coming!

    Just spent an hour doing TCATT related maths ... I've been working out scale for my map and doing calculations about horseriding speeds etc etc, to work out how long it'll take Corrie to do different legs of her quests. MATHS IS HARD!

    PS I will reply to your emails (Raven Boys and other one) SOON. I know I've been saying that for legit 2 months but believe in me!

    1. You pinned my photo?! *grins* I feel so important. So artistic. I photographed something pinnable. . . with my iphone. But, hey, pinnable nonetheless.

      Yes! The trees. I'm thinking about going to this university next fall, but it's basically in a desert. It sounds like a really good university, but I fear tree deprivation. Where am I to go for creativity?

      My library seems lacking in Ted Hughes. It makes me sad. I'll have to check the college library. Surely they'd have him. (I really did try Plath, but for some reason I can't just sit and enjoy her. I find myself looking at the clock hoping to do something else soon. I know that's terrible. . . Although Mushrooms was very interesting.)

      I know. I've been thinking about that a lot. Because a lot of what I've been wanting to do/not wanting to do, is very different from what other people want/expect of me. But only what God wants/expects of me matters. So I'm figuring it out.

      YOU'RE AT OXFORD! ALKDHSALKJL! That is so spectacular! I hope to read your post soon. That is the most exciting thing of ever! (Of course there are trees at Oxford, Oxford has everything, right? ;) )

      A SCALE for your map? You are dedicated hardcore. My hat goes off to you. I would just draw a map and be like, "This is a map. Hm. . . Good that." and forget doing any kind of math because as you say, math is hard. I already took my college math courses. I ain't doin' no more!

    2. Ooh, which uni? And to study what? But desert sounds horrible! (I've never been to a desert and I never want to! At least not for more than, like, a day.)

      Ugh, come on, library! He was the Poet Laureate for crying out loud! Hopefully college can do better. Oh, but Sylvia is bae! (Not as bae as Ted, of course, but then who is?) Have you read The Bell Jar?

      Absolutely. His opinion is the most important opinion; the only important opinion, in fact.

      I WAS! AND I'M WRITING THE POST RIGHT NOW! (Yes, it does have great trees. YOU SHOULD APPLY AND COME! ;) )

      Right?! I am super invested. But you have to think about these things! Draft 1 is full of horrible inconsistencies, like one day it takes four hours to get to the palace from Corrie's house, and then later it takes twelve days to ride about three times that distance. Good one, Emily, good one. But those issues shall plague me no longer!


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