Thursday, June 25, 2015

SWC #3: The Cold Rescue

I thought I'd write about Eelistle again. You know, the elf from the first prompt? I changed the prompt so the verb tense would fit.

If you want to join the Summer Writing Camp link up, you can do so here. It ends on July 3rd.





There has never been a worse time to sneeze.

The guard’s footsteps grow closer.

I breathe silent through my mouth as my nose itches with the incoming force.

Closer.

If Cordon were here to laugh- 

The guard’s boot tip comes into view.

No time for sneezing.

I leap from behind the wall and sink my sword into the man’s chest. Just don’t look him in the eye. As I withdraw my sword, I let the blade sling out behind me. The metal rings against the sword of the other guard. He’s much too loud to sneak up on anyone.

My nose wrinkles. I disarm him with ease. 

“Ah- Akchoo!” The offensive germs explode everywhere while the short guard scrambles for his sword. Bleck! That wasn’t disgusting. I sniffle.

The man swings at my head. It’s a high target for him and I step aside. In him, I see everything that Cordon warned me against in my training. Another sneeze tickles my nose. I deflect the guard’s angry thrust with a flick of my blade. I glance to the heavens. This cold will be the death of me.  

“Eelistle?” Brayden picks his head up from the squat post where he’s been tied.

I fake a lunge at the guard. The man scuttles back.

“Brayden.” I bow my head, sneeze, and raise my sword just so.

The guard jumps right into the blade. He slumps to the ground and I hate myself for how well I can always time that- Someone’s death. I swallow hard.

“You came back?” My friend sounds a little delirious. But then, Brayden was just freshly whipped two hours ago. I wish I could’ve come sooner. But it’s a star’s chance I’m here now. A bad taste fills my mouth to see my friend – a prince on his knees- sagging against that post with his hands bound around it. A lump forms in my throat. But that could just be the cold.

I yank my sword free and stumble back with a sneeze. “Yes-“ another sneeze- “I wasn’t going to leave you.”

“I’m sorry. Did you just sneeze at me?” 

I eye Brayden. With the lazy cadence of his voice and his hair matted with blood, I can’t tell if he’s just delirious. Or if Brayden’s humor survived the whipping.

“The atmosphere in your realm doesn’t agree with my immune system.”

“You have a cold.” He says it flatly.

I free his hands and rub my face. I breathe deep through my mouth because the passage of my nose is dammed up. When I drag my fingers from my eyes, Brayden undoubtedly smirks.

“My hero.”

“Oh, shut up!” What was I thinking? Brayden’s humor is invincible. “Or next time, you can rescue yourself.” I pull him up.

He stifles a yell with a grimace. “If you insist on saving me, you mind taking care with those wounds?” He winces again as I walk him out of the courtyard. 

I don’t mean to be rough. The lash of a whip is the most painful infliction, perhaps because it comes barbed with shame. But we have to get out of here. “Humans,” I say to keep him talking. “You’re incorrigible.

Brayden grins again. It once again appears delirious, but Brayden always grins like that. Still, his words drag in the exhausted, slurring way of a tortured person. “I know you don’t believe that. Or you wouldn’t have come.”

He’s right. I don’t believe it for a second. “Well- Akchoo!“ I snuffle. “Don’t spread it around, right?” I try to hold him up.

“Right.” Brayden’s head lolls to the side.

10 comments:

  1. THIS IS SO GOOD. Probably my favorite opening for a story ever. That first sentence, man...really hooked me. #firstsentencegoals Also, your dialogue is so smooth! Very nicely done.

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    1. Thanks! I kind of just cheated though and used the prompt as my first sentence. :P

      Yay! I'm glad the dialogue was good! I always worry if my dialogue is, you know, natural and yet character-true.

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  2. AMAZING! You are so talented, this is amazing :D

    ~Noor
    a little bit of sunshine

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    1. Thanks! :) That's very encouraging.

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  3. YES! [Oh, yes, I am still here, reading through your June posts. What? I'm committed in my stalking.] I love this! I love Eelistle! WRITE THE NOVEL!

    Really, though. I'm spying a brillo-pad friendship right here.

    Is this a bit after he's gone down the Well of Realms? I mean, when Brayden says "You came back", he doesn't mean after five years, does he? So Eelistle's been down already and this is a rescue from after that point?
    Those questions are pretty convoluted but hopefully you understand me.

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  4. I'm glad you like it!

    I- have no idea what that is.

    Okay, here is the timeline thus far in my head (dangerous territory here). Five years ago Eelistle fell into the Well of Realms and lived with the humans. Wherein he meets Brayden and tries to find his way back to his own realm. He succeeds about four and half years later. . . maybe longer? He returns half a year later- and this is when this rescue here takes place. I'm not sure if I want him gone that long though. . . we shall see.

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    1. Sorry! So in Britain we have these things called Brillo pads (maybe you do as well. I'm not sure. But I *think* they're a British thing.) which are like metal pads for scrubbing pans. Now as you know the word "brilliant" can be shortened to "brill" (beca lif i to short alway t fini wor), which can become "brillo", and then "brillo-pad". So it means brilliant. Sorry.

      Hmm. Sounds interesting. So am I right in thinking the characters are getting their claws into your head and forcing you to think of a timeline and you're like "characters no I have Oddball to write!" and they're like "HAHAHA PUNY HUMAN WE WANT A NOVEL!" ?

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    2. Oh! Okay. I think we do have those. . . But I had no idea what it meant in that context. XD So maybe the expression is British? (See, this is what I like about blogging. I learn such interesting things about other cultures. Even if we speak the same language, it's still so different, even the language usage!) In that case, I thank you. Eelistle and Brayden seem to me like long lost brothers even though they are nothing alike.

      Yeah, that about sums it up. I'm just a host for my characters and stories so they can express themselves. Okay, that came out a little creepy. . . But when I think of something I take notes down in my phone. So when I'm done with Oddball I can think more on it. (Actually there are a lot of ideas fighting in line behind Oddball. Eelistle and Brayden, at present, have secured their position at the front though.)

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    3. A little creepy but 100% accurate!
      So, next question: do you only write fantasy?

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    4. At present, I write fantasy. But I have a lot ideas that aren't fantasy.

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